MPs are shit scared of ‘Sach Ka Samna’… & So am I

So it was proved yet again. Yeah, we always knew it but it feels better to be reassured that our MPs have got nothing better to do than discuss Prime Time TV in the Rajya Sabha. This feels just like watching a bunch of women discuss the dedication of Tulsi to her saas in Kyunki… or the numerous marriages of Prerna over their high tea. The MPs are furious over Sach Ka Samna. I saw this Uncle MP shout in the Rajya Sabha saying that such programmes are destroying our culture. Just think for a moment with your sane mind (and then I promise, as always, we’ll go back to seeking mindless humour in all this, inkeeping with the true spirit of blogging); Just think of the ridiculousness of what they are implying that Speaking the truth will destroy Indian culture. This is to say that this ‘great’ culture of theirs was built on lies… or were they talking about their career in politics? I really like what Satyajit said on his blog and I quote “Common sense in the government it seems is like the Lochness monster. Everyones heard of it…no one’s seen it.”

And back to some senselessness (that’s what I think we’re only good at) if you think about it, there actually is something to be scared about. We know that China is just waiting to put up another factory of whatever catches the fancy of a lot of people; right from Hindu Gods to toys sold in Amsterdam to the various magical weight loss belts sold on TV shopping, everything these days is Made in China. Now, the thought is really scary – What if they start mass producing these chairs with polygraph machines and sell it at dirt cheap prices? Imagine a house full of MPs but nobody’s sitting; Nobody wants to sit on the Chair that otherwise they would die for…

But I’m not worried about them alone. I’m worried, if my wife replaces all our dining table chairs! I mean, how am I gonna answer her regular Friday evening question – Have you had a bath today? Oops, I’m letting out my ‘dirty’ secrets already… But no, seriously think about it. How will a student ever be able to write a good essay on ‘My School’? How will Pakistan get foreign aid by promising to fight Al Qaeda? How will Rakhi bullshit every suitor on her show by looking into his eyes and confessing her ‘undivided’ love for each one of them? More than her, how will the dulhas say “I lurrveee you” to Rakhi with a straight face knowing very well that the lie detector would be going bonkers? How will the US invade the remaining oil producing countries of the world screaming WMD? How will all the men confidently reply “Your eyes” when a woman asks what is it in me that you like the most? How will all the husbands in the world answer their wives perennial question “Am I looking fat in this dress?”

Come to think of it, man human being has gotten this far, thanks to a bunch of lies. Toddlers start learning it right from ‘Johny Johny, Yes Papa; Eating Sugar? No Papa’ beep… beep… beep… and then they never stop. We work our way through school and everytime mom asks ‘Homework kiya?’ we shout a loud ‘Yes’ beep… College is no different when every evening we gather at a friend’s place to ‘study’ beep…. How could we’ve told the truth that we watched porn last night? Or maybe we could say, we were watching an ‘educational video’ and the buzzer might not beep. We then profess our undying love for a girl and bullshit her by singing ‘I will ALWAYS love you’ and the girl bullshits us by pretending to believe our crap. Then at work, the same behavior continues. Just imagine, how will all of us bloggers be able to fill up our daily time-sheets? We don’t have a column for ‘Blogging’ in there… And Interviews, God No! If the lie detector chair’s False alarm would be a giggle, it would literally be Rolling on the Floor Laughing listening to us explain our virtues of honesty and dedication to work.

That gives me an idea – Should I patent this innovation where the chairs come in different ‘False’ alarm tones:
Standard – Beep
Rakhi (Of Karan Arjun fame) – Nahinnnnnn – Keh do yeh jhuth hai
Shatru – Khamosh
Raunchy – Nooooo
Oldie Goldie – Jhuth bole kauwa kaate…
And so on…

Ok now this innovative thinker in me is digging his own grave. But seriously, Truth is the only thing that is not sexy when ‘bare’. And what’s happening in SKS is a striptease of sorts. As we always know, our Culture is against stripping of any kind :-). So for a change, I’m with them on this one. Tell me, aren’t the MPs right in being shit scared? Aren’t you scared as well or is it just me?

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