Picture this: A gang of criminals is cornered by Black Cap Commandos. The commandos have alighted from helicopters, broken through the doors and now surround them. As good as Game Over! But no my dear viewers, Indian cinema thrives on extravagance and when a crazy director takes over, you get some real action. AK 56s go beserk, Akshay (aka Bajrangbali reincarnated) jumps from one dome to another, grabs a machine gun from one of the commandos (as if a kid grabs another’s lollypop) and lands in between the commandos, swivels 360 degrees with his gun blazing and a pile of commandos lies on the floor. The Gang armed with nothing more than two pistols steals the scene, kills all the black cap commandos and their chief and come out, unscathed. I turn to look at my wife, “Is it only me who feels like an idiot?” and she has that confused look on her face which… never mind. She says, “Wasn’t Akshay hit by a bullet in his arm?” Oh ya, he was shot in the arm, but I guess the Director forgot about it, and dear Director, I’m sorry but I forgot to leave my brains at home. The fool-hardiness doesn’t stop there, the entire 160 minutes of running time is filled with nuisances, silly stunts, unrelated item songs, pathetic dialogues trying to be funny and a few laughs in between mainly resulting from Akshay’s rural thug character.
Jimmy (Saif) works in a call centre where one fine day Pooja (Kareena) lands up seeking an English tutor… why do I even bother? The story flows along at agonizing pace interspersed with item-songs shot in exotic locales, a skinny Kareena (who’s lost most of herself and with it her bearings), and the blondies – no, not the phoren item girl extras but our own Saif and Akki going blonde for the American cowboy look. Anil Kapoor as the English learning baddie is unwatchable for the most part and his sorry dialogues, which I guess the director thinks are quite hilarious, evoke a sigh rather than as much as a giggle. To be repetitive, the 160 minutes of the screenplay and dialogues is unimaginative and complete trash but dished out with flamboyance – kudos to the directors’ misplaced ego.
Vijay Krishna Acharya who earlier wrote screenplay and dialogues for “Dhoom” and “Dhoom 2” made his directorial debut with Tashan and if this is what he is capable of, I need to get a stay order against him making any more movies to stop degrading Hindi Cinema.
The only few moments that provide relief are the breathtaking visuals and stunning locales, right from the landscapes of Rajasthan to the streets of Greece. The sights are in fact more eye candy than Kareena herself. The music by the talented Vishal-Shekhar plays its part and is refreshing to listen to. The director has tried to blow away the viewer with crystal blue wallpaper like screens, bloated characters and some semblance of a story but there is no substance and the movie falls flat, thanks to a spineless script.
By the time the movie climaxes, you’ve started finding humor in the meaningless tripe that’s going on on-screen. But then the movie hits you with a bucket-load more; Saif, Akshay and Kareena escaping in a convertible but Anil Kapoor drives them in a huge shed and blows the shed off with a grenade. After few moments, a burning convertible drives out with all the three in perfect shape taking on the complete baddy Gang; after a while, Anil Kapoor toasts Saif in a giant exhaust and then blows Kareena away with a high pressure water pipe; Saif emerges from a tunnel on a water scooter and does a somersault firing bullets with both hands; Did Anil Kapoor die? Who knows, and who cares? Here he is again, pouting his lips on a cycle-rickshaw but Kareena does an Asoka; jumps in the air and thrusts a sword in Anil Kapoor’s chest; revenge for her father’s death. The Director thinks Kareena’s emotion is worth capturing and zooms in to her face, she mixes rage with anguish and seems to scream and cry, viewers watch on puzzled, hoping that Anil Kapoor is finally dead. The good guys seem to have a health potion which they take every-time they are injured while the baddies lie down even if a bullet crosses anywhere within 15 feet of their airspace.
Tashan is simply, the choicest drivel wrapped in a fancy package and served hot. There are a few people I know, who enjoy unwrapping properly wrapped gifts on their birthdays and are happy with the most beautiful wrapping paper, never mind what is inside the package. If you are one of those, go and try watching Tashan, you might like it. Others, you’re better of sans Tashan.
Buddy you write reviews as if you are PRO! This what you want to hear ha? Well to tell you I do normally like your reviews, but this one was…….. ok……. maybe because there was nothing in the movie to give you good material to write about.
And yes it seems your wife always has to show up in your review like Subhash Ghai not able to let go a special appearance in his movies.
Anyways, keep up the good work 🙂