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Conspiracy Theory

What is the time in your clock Sire?


It’s high time now. Since a long time, the whole world has conspired against Taliban and Pakistan. The poor guys do nothing, yet they are blamed for almost everything that is wrong in the world, except of course the recession. I think the world missed this opportunity.

But just look at what’s been happening ever since… err… I dunno when but looks like a really long time. I’m sure there will be earlier events as well, but I’ll just try and recollect the events as I remember them.

The first time I became aware of this global conspiracy was when the twin towers crashed. This was done purposely by the Jews so that superpower America would misunderstand this attack as by Taliban and go after them in peaceful Afghanistan. After all Afghanistan was at that time the only place in the world which was ruled by the only and most staunch followers of peaceful Islam – the Taliban. So the Jews blasted the twin towers and ya, they also made sure that No Jews were killed by circulating a memo to Jews in every office. 4000 Jews remained absent on that day.

Then again, more recently, Hindu Zionists, in order to fuel hatred and spoil Pakistan’s image in the world went on a rampage in Bombay killing everyone in sight and leaving a million clues that pointed to Pakistan. Well, their own Indian countrymen they killed were actually a sacrifice in order to further the Global conspiracy against Pakistan. Now poor Pakistan, initially tried its best to avoid the blame but the conspiracy was so well planned that evidence was planted in Pakistan as well. So to save face, the innocent government pleaded not guilty but put the blame on non-state actors. The torchbearers of peace and truth in Pakistan which included all religious parties rallied in support of Jamaat-Ud-Dawa which was the charitable venture of LeT and its peaceful founder Hafiz Mohammad Sayeed and denied any involvement in the Mumbai attacks. They said that their schools only provide ‘vocational’ training to the youth of Pakistan. The youth are being trained on how to survive off dry fruits and medicines which is very important in today’s world. Further, the training also guarantees them a placement in heaven amongst virgin wives in the after world.

The government of Pakistan always had a soft corner for these non-state actors including the aggrieved Taliban who were pushed out of Afghanistan by America. After all, these are the same actors who have been playing lead roles in Kashmir’s ‘freedom struggle’. Few years back, these actors were shooting in Kargill and India mistook that shooting of the gun kind. They started crying hoarse that Pakistan attacked India and launched a counter attack. The world obviously was on India’s side. The Pakistan government ate, drank (only water, not alcohol, that is haram) and slept together for years with these freedom fighters. How could they just let their dear friends take the blame for this conspiracy by the world?

In order to kiss and make up, the Pakistan government presented the most beautiful valley in their country to Taliban as a pet project for implementation of the Taliban’s peaceful version of the Sharia Law. They decided that if successful in Swat, the law would be extended to the whole of Pakistan. This honest attempt of the Pak (which aptly means pious) government to restore peace in the country was obviously frowned upon by the rest of the world. How can the world let them live in peace?

Thus, in another attempt to malign Pakistan, foreign powers yesterday attacked the Sri Lankan cricket team in Lahore thus ensuring that the world turns against peace loving Pakistan (and I guess even to ensure that no more Shoaib Akhtars are produced. After all, no cricket playing nation wants their batsmen to face his barrage of deliveries at 100 miles). Javed Miandad, the samdhi (father of daughter-in-law) of Nobel Peace prize winner Dawood Ibrahim yesterday said terrorists do not have any religion or nation. He said those responsible should be punished after investigation (obviously trying to draw attention to the conspiracy of the world against Pakistan).

What is the world coming to? What do they have against the Islamic Republic of Pakistan? Why can’t the world let them live in peace? Can’t the world see, Pakistan is a victing of the world’s greatest conspiracy of all time? I feel really sad for Pakistan and their people.

PS. The last line is not sarcastic. It’s heart felt.

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